i really love the way you write about your emotions with such visceral honesty. i see a lot of people are put off by this which is annoying but i am so happy you chose to publish all of this so vulnerably. you are beautiful and everything you make is beautiful and you are in fact deserving of so much more.
just binged your whole account and I’m in love! I studied in London for five months and am trying to find my way back there. I swear I don’t even try but I keep finding artists who are based there and you are the newest discovery. London is not small. I know it may seem like it and maybe I don’t know what I’m saying but it’s so big. Try exploring places you don’t frequent! My favorite breakfast or everyday cafe spot was called Smugglers Cafe in Putney. I know there’s a new location closer to the city so maybe try that one if it’s closer to where you’re located (if you so please). There’s a witchy bookstore called Treadwell’s Books and I swear there was magic in the air there. It’s such a beautiful city full of dreamers and you’re lucky to be one of them. Going to live vicariously through you, til I can find my way back
Big fan. Honest crush. See myself in you, and also invite you to date a woman. Being queer is a whole other rabbit hole to the chambers of the heart. I’ve been consumed whole by women, men, a trans lover… what a life. There is something quite exquisite and tragic about loving and having your heart obliterated by a woman though. The poetry becomes more organic. The pain more ancient and the mythos otherworldly.
Sincerely, another lover girl amidst a breakup from a kind eyed man that couldn’t hold the multidimensional fractals of chaos that it is to be “woman”
I totally enjoyed the chaos that this was because I can totally relate to both the post breakup glow and the first time you see him after the breakup and the exit interview too!
Giiiiirl Substack knew to put u in my path. I’m in an uncannily similar situation.. down to the pub run in and everything. i gained a lot of clarity reading this, thank you darling
You said you asked yourself “why can’t we be together?” And I became confused because in another article, you said you broke up with him. Is the reason you two broke up because of your sole decision or was it both of you decided to leave?
There’s more to the story but based on what you’ve wrote, it seems like the relationship could’ve been saved if there was more communication?
It seemed like just an honest conversation on what was missing could’ve remedied the situation, I have a lot of questions but yeah
Not always, she did speak up. A few times, yet nothing really changed. Which can mean a few things for them both… But if this is the feeling she has now, when they have kids? When they have midlife financial issues? When she actually needs him…. this issue she has will be worse by then, ultimately she chose her future self. Which goes back to a quote I saw on here… “No female dies from being single, but they do from being with the wrong man” …. Something to that effect…
She also mentioned she’s an anxious and he’s an avoidant, I think it’s unreasonable (regardless of attachment styles) to expect your partner to text you every single day especially when they’re busy, and she knew he wasn’t cheating it was just he wasn’t available for one day…that’s a little over dramatic don’t you think?
Love waxes and wanes in a relationship, I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect your partner to be all over you like it was the first few weeks months, or years into a relationship. She sounded very clingy, I wouldn’t expect my partner to have that same level of excitement constantly throughout the entire relationship, it just sounds like she can’t handle when she’s given space or time to herself.
I don’t think until you are “in it” you will ever really understand.
You’re confused by the semantics - ‘feel’ what she is saying, she’s explaining that someone can be perfect on paper but still not perfect for your attachment style. Work to be done, of course, BUT ultimately she would be the only one doing the work - clearly.
She made the right choice, I KNOW this.
Also commenting and questioning is great, connection is fun on this platform, I appreciate the reply. x
Definitely a valid point, it would naturally make more sense for readers who’ve been in that position, rather than people who haven’t experienced it or adverse to the type of love she wanted.
I don’t doubt your judgement because I know that it’d be different for everyone in that situation.
I think asking a partner to talk to you every day is an incredibly reasonable request but it’s different strokes for different folks. That’s ok! Thanks for reading and discussing in the comments :)
Hey… thanks for your comment. Just to clarify. I didn’t expect him to be all over me. I wasn’t needy. I asked him over 10 times to communicate with me once a day. After he failed to do that, I searched for evidence that he still cared and came up short. And so then I asked him if he loved me and he couldn’t say “yes”
Did you examine why you feel the way you do when you don’t recieve that level of communication? You know you’re an anxious, but there’s a deeper level to why that is, and how it started.
Did he tell you why he couldn’t show up for you in the ways you asked?
Honestly, this probably could’ve been resolved with questions that he never answered for you, and we don’t know why he behaved the way he did or why he wasn’t capable of doing that all of the time. We only know a little about a lot that happened, but yeah that’s why I said that because while I do agree, communication once a day, is reasonable, I think you were looking for that same level of excitement and enthusiasm that, to me at least, isn’t humanely possible for most people. It’s a wax and wane type of thing, but those are just my thoughts.
Of course I tried to understand both myself and him more deeply but at the end of the day, it wasn’t the lack of communication that did it for me. It was the fact that my request was completely reasonable and couldn’t be followed through (as well as some other things that weren’t mentioned in the post).
I was left so confused as to why someone would want to continue to behave that way after I’ve expressed that something is important to me. I think blatantly disregarding your partner like that shows a wider issues that needs to be addressed.
Maybe I am confused. When I initially read the first article, I got the sense that you two were in that honeymoon zone and were full of passion, and then as time went on, that passion slowed down for him. Based on what you said, about not getting a text back for a day, and how he reached for his phone instead of you, I’m assuming what was at first, a lot of sparks in his eyes and how he treated you, just came back down to a baseline level that is more comfortable for him. Which, is why I thought that it did seem a little overly dramatic, but it’s as you said, there are some other things that we don’t know, and you’ve made it clear it wasn’t just the communication.
I could genuinely be wrong about my statements, but I wish you all the best and I know there is someone who can match your energy and give you what you’re looking for.
i really love the way you write about your emotions with such visceral honesty. i see a lot of people are put off by this which is annoying but i am so happy you chose to publish all of this so vulnerably. you are beautiful and everything you make is beautiful and you are in fact deserving of so much more.
Thank you so much, Whitney. I really appreciate you for taking the time to read and comment something so lovely. ☺️
Love from another post-breakup girlie who did it herself but feels similarly to you xxx
just binged your whole account and I’m in love! I studied in London for five months and am trying to find my way back there. I swear I don’t even try but I keep finding artists who are based there and you are the newest discovery. London is not small. I know it may seem like it and maybe I don’t know what I’m saying but it’s so big. Try exploring places you don’t frequent! My favorite breakfast or everyday cafe spot was called Smugglers Cafe in Putney. I know there’s a new location closer to the city so maybe try that one if it’s closer to where you’re located (if you so please). There’s a witchy bookstore called Treadwell’s Books and I swear there was magic in the air there. It’s such a beautiful city full of dreamers and you’re lucky to be one of them. Going to live vicariously through you, til I can find my way back
Hey Meg!! Omg I will definitely check it out! Please do continue to live vicariously through me until you find your way back here!! ❤️❤️
Big fan. Honest crush. See myself in you, and also invite you to date a woman. Being queer is a whole other rabbit hole to the chambers of the heart. I’ve been consumed whole by women, men, a trans lover… what a life. There is something quite exquisite and tragic about loving and having your heart obliterated by a woman though. The poetry becomes more organic. The pain more ancient and the mythos otherworldly.
Sincerely, another lover girl amidst a breakup from a kind eyed man that couldn’t hold the multidimensional fractals of chaos that it is to be “woman”
I totally enjoyed the chaos that this was because I can totally relate to both the post breakup glow and the first time you see him after the breakup and the exit interview too!
I loved reading this!
Giiiiirl Substack knew to put u in my path. I’m in an uncannily similar situation.. down to the pub run in and everything. i gained a lot of clarity reading this, thank you darling
You keep looking for the right things in the wrong places.
You said you asked yourself “why can’t we be together?” And I became confused because in another article, you said you broke up with him. Is the reason you two broke up because of your sole decision or was it both of you decided to leave?
There’s more to the story but based on what you’ve wrote, it seems like the relationship could’ve been saved if there was more communication?
It seemed like just an honest conversation on what was missing could’ve remedied the situation, I have a lot of questions but yeah
Not always, she did speak up. A few times, yet nothing really changed. Which can mean a few things for them both… But if this is the feeling she has now, when they have kids? When they have midlife financial issues? When she actually needs him…. this issue she has will be worse by then, ultimately she chose her future self. Which goes back to a quote I saw on here… “No female dies from being single, but they do from being with the wrong man” …. Something to that effect…
Thank you so much for this comment 💕
She also mentioned she’s an anxious and he’s an avoidant, I think it’s unreasonable (regardless of attachment styles) to expect your partner to text you every single day especially when they’re busy, and she knew he wasn’t cheating it was just he wasn’t available for one day…that’s a little over dramatic don’t you think?
Love waxes and wanes in a relationship, I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect your partner to be all over you like it was the first few weeks months, or years into a relationship. She sounded very clingy, I wouldn’t expect my partner to have that same level of excitement constantly throughout the entire relationship, it just sounds like she can’t handle when she’s given space or time to herself.
I don’t think until you are “in it” you will ever really understand.
You’re confused by the semantics - ‘feel’ what she is saying, she’s explaining that someone can be perfect on paper but still not perfect for your attachment style. Work to be done, of course, BUT ultimately she would be the only one doing the work - clearly.
She made the right choice, I KNOW this.
Also commenting and questioning is great, connection is fun on this platform, I appreciate the reply. x
I absolutely love this. Thank you Hayley. ❤️
Definitely a valid point, it would naturally make more sense for readers who’ve been in that position, rather than people who haven’t experienced it or adverse to the type of love she wanted.
I don’t doubt your judgement because I know that it’d be different for everyone in that situation.
I think asking a partner to talk to you every day is an incredibly reasonable request but it’s different strokes for different folks. That’s ok! Thanks for reading and discussing in the comments :)
Hey… thanks for your comment. Just to clarify. I didn’t expect him to be all over me. I wasn’t needy. I asked him over 10 times to communicate with me once a day. After he failed to do that, I searched for evidence that he still cared and came up short. And so then I asked him if he loved me and he couldn’t say “yes”
It’s really not that crazy.
Did you examine why you feel the way you do when you don’t recieve that level of communication? You know you’re an anxious, but there’s a deeper level to why that is, and how it started.
Did he tell you why he couldn’t show up for you in the ways you asked?
Honestly, this probably could’ve been resolved with questions that he never answered for you, and we don’t know why he behaved the way he did or why he wasn’t capable of doing that all of the time. We only know a little about a lot that happened, but yeah that’s why I said that because while I do agree, communication once a day, is reasonable, I think you were looking for that same level of excitement and enthusiasm that, to me at least, isn’t humanely possible for most people. It’s a wax and wane type of thing, but those are just my thoughts.
Of course I tried to understand both myself and him more deeply but at the end of the day, it wasn’t the lack of communication that did it for me. It was the fact that my request was completely reasonable and couldn’t be followed through (as well as some other things that weren’t mentioned in the post).
I was left so confused as to why someone would want to continue to behave that way after I’ve expressed that something is important to me. I think blatantly disregarding your partner like that shows a wider issues that needs to be addressed.
Maybe I am confused. When I initially read the first article, I got the sense that you two were in that honeymoon zone and were full of passion, and then as time went on, that passion slowed down for him. Based on what you said, about not getting a text back for a day, and how he reached for his phone instead of you, I’m assuming what was at first, a lot of sparks in his eyes and how he treated you, just came back down to a baseline level that is more comfortable for him. Which, is why I thought that it did seem a little overly dramatic, but it’s as you said, there are some other things that we don’t know, and you’ve made it clear it wasn’t just the communication.
I could genuinely be wrong about my statements, but I wish you all the best and I know there is someone who can match your energy and give you what you’re looking for.
Thank you 🙏